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Below are the 50 most recent journal entries recorded in Kim's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 50 ]
Friday, July 4th, 2003
7:51 pm
I met an amazing guy.. yes, once again.. the guys I meet are always amazing, arent there? haha.. anyways.. there are just a few secrets that I must hide from my journal or anyone who reads it.. one being his age.. haha.. and the second being what we've done.. so here I go.. he is amazing.. funny, smart, interesting, theatrical, strong, warm, kind, and he makes me feel safe.. I met him through my job at saddleback college.. which would be stage crewing The Wizard of Oz.. he's got beautiful green-blue eyes and curly light brown hair.. and he appreciates me, and my body.. he does little things that guys before him never did.. such as call me unexpectedly.. leave his prior plans (which were actually really important) just because he missed me.. showing up early to work because he knew I'd be there.. *sighs* he's just an all aroung nice guy.. and I dont care if this is a little fling.. he makes me feel special.. and he makes me feel awesome about myself and I love it :)

(10 Lovess | ~*~Love Me~*~)

Thursday, June 26th, 2003
8:19 pm
What do I do?

I'm so confused..
angry..
insecure..
uncomfortable..
whiney..

LoL.. I dont want to do this shit again!

Current Mood: contemplative

(2 Lovess | ~*~Love Me~*~)

Saturday, June 21st, 2003
10:29 am
I bet I have it!! Click below for my list of:
clothes
nightmare before christmas items
NSYNC items
jewelry
shoes
beanie babies
barbies
beaded/friendship bracelets

Read more...Collapse )

(~*~Love Me~*~)

Saturday, June 14th, 2003
7:34 pm
BEADED BRACELET GRABBIES
I have just started making beaded bracelets.. I have glitter, plain, clear, and pearlized beads.. I am selling grabbies.. tell me what colors and what kinds and I will make you bracelets:

1 Bracelet: $1.00 + $0.50 SH
2 bracelet: $1.50 + $0.50 SH
5 bracelet: $3.50 + $1.50 SH
10 bracelet: $6.50 + $2.00 SH
20 bracelet: $10.00 + $2.50 SH

(6 Lovess | ~*~Love Me~*~)

Thursday, June 12th, 2003
5:01 pm
I have 2 BEAUTIFUL formal gowns for sale.. each one has only been worn one time..

the first is a size 6, by Jessica McClintock, in the picture it is white but my dress is the red version of it.. it is strapless satin with swirled thread patterns..



the second is a size 6, Jessica McClintock.. it is a white with gems around the top.. it also has a BEAUTIFUL train in the back of white mesh.. it comes with a white mesh shawl..

(2 Lovess | ~*~Love Me~*~)

Sunday, June 8th, 2003
4:46 pm
What I want
I already posted my list of things I have for sale.. now here is what I want:

Read more...Collapse )

(~*~Love Me~*~)

Wednesday, June 4th, 2003
5:44 pm
If there is something you see on the list that doesnt have a picture, just reply and I will get you a picture.. everything is VERY reasonable, so please inquire.. IM me at kimbttrfly :) I'm willing to trade, but only under certain circumstances, and only for things I really want!!

Read more...Collapse )

(~*~Love Me~*~)

Friday, December 28th, 2001
11:33 am




















(~*~Love Me~*~)

Friday, December 14th, 2001
10:12 pm
3 Stances on Previous events and boys
Bold will be POV #1
Italicised will be POV #2
Underlined will be POV #3

I've liked him.. since May.. Since I saw him in A Midsummer nights dream.. and although we talk only every few days.. I feel like I can tell him everything.. I feel like he is the one I'm supposed to be with for a very long time.. or at least.. I feel like I should like him.. He's so sweet and honest and kind.. forgiving.. and he's wonderful.. quite possibly the most perfect guy I've ever met

He's in my French 2 Class.. a senior.. we talk every chance we get to.. he's so nice.. sweet.. funny.. I feel like he's someone I can get along very nicely with.. he's a really great guy.. I haven't known him very long.. but I hope that him and I become better friends as the year progresses..

I need to be alone.. oh you have no idea how refreshing it is just being all by myself.. knowing that I'm not tied down to anyone.. not having to watch every step I make.. making sure that I don't ruin something that could be good.. making sure I don't make a wrong move or turn or decision that could effect the future of a relationship.. I feel like this is my time-out for the time being.. 7 months single.. and I feel great.. it's a new beginning for me.. before.. if I was single for this long.. I would automatically assume there was something wrong with me.. but now I see it's just that I'm growing up.. and the guys around me aren't.. so they don't see me the way I see me.. or the way older people would see me.. I just need to be alone

I can be alone for a while.. but it can't last forever.. It's been 7 months.. I should be able to move on by now.. and I can.. I know I can.. but I want to physically ((not so much the sexual stuff)) be with someone.. I want someone to hold my hand.. and to sensually kiss and all that good and mushy stuff.. Everyone likes to be single sometimes.. but right now.. is not the time

Maybe it is though.. Maybe I do need some time off.. although 7 months is quite a while.. maybe I'm not ready yet.. and maybe that's why the whole thing with Kevin turned out the way it did.. because I'm not ready.. because I'm still clingy and weird around the guys I like.. but not.. We'll call him Beeb.. He makes me feel comfy cozy.. Matt made me that way.. I was always worried about what he was thinking about.. when i should have been worrying about what he was doing.. But anyways.. back to my point.. Maybe I'm wrong to think that I can be content and alone.. but, then again, maybe I'm right..

Sleepy time.. more on this subject tomorrow

(~*~Love Me~*~)

Wednesday, December 5th, 2001
7:20 pm
(What's mah motha fuckin' name?)
R-U-L-E
(Miss Mary Jane, I’m analyzin’ the game)
End the games, unchose me
(To bring pain, pretty women, and fake thugs, one in
the same)
Ever since you told me
(There’s only room for two, I’ll be makin’ less room
for you)
Now only God can hold me
(Hug me, love me, judge me, the only Man that hugs is
above me, holler)

I met so many men
And it’s like their all the same
My appetite for lovin’
Is now my hunger pain

And when I’m feelin’ sexy
Who’s gonna comfort me?
My only problem is
Their insecurity

(Tired of bein’ alone) Yeah, yeah
(See you arguin’ on the phone) Yeah, yeah
(Are you tellin’ all your friends) Yeah, yeah
(That your n^gga don’t understand) My love

Chorus:
‘Cause I’m real
(The way you walk, the way you move, the way you talk)
‘Cause I’m real
(The way you stare, the way you look, your style, your
hair)
‘Cause I’m real
(The way you smile, the way you smell, it drives me
wild)
‘Cause I’m real
And I can’t go on without you

Girl, I’ve been thinkin’ ‘bout this relationship
And I wanna know is this as good as it gets
‘Cause we’ve been through the worst times and the best
times
But it was our time, even if it was part-time
My baby lookin’ at me, smilin’ at me, laughin’ like we
wasn’t happy
But not knowin’, ever growin’ and we’re gettin’
married
Hard lovin’, straight thuggin’
Bitch, I ain’t doin’ this shit here for nuttin’
I’m here to get it poppin’, hop in, let’s ride up in
the Benz
Hair blowin’ in the wind, sun glistenin’ off my skin,
hey
I’m nasty, heh, you know me
But you still don’t be feelin’ me, baby

Repeat Chorus

Now people lovin’ me and hatin’ me, treatin’ me
ungratefully
But not knowin’ that they ain’t makin’ or breakin’ me
My life I live it to the limit and I love it
Now I can breathe again, baby, now I can breathe again

Now people screamin’ what the deal with you and so and
so
I tell them n^ggas mind they biz, but they don’t
hear me though
‘Cause I live my life to the limit and I love it
Now I could breathe again, baby, now I could breathe
again

(Tired of bein’ alone) Yeah, yeah
(See you arguin’ on the phone) Yeah, yeah
(Are you tellin’ all your friends) Yeah, yeah
(That your n^gga don’t understand) My love

Repeat Chorus (2x)

^^^Me and Ms. Melissa's song, we do a mean duet^^^

(~*~Love Me~*~)

Wednesday, November 28th, 2001
3:46 pm
MOck Trial
Even though we lost last night, miserably....we still get to go ontot he next round....I guess the huge amount of points we won by with all of the other rounds flowed over into the fact that we lost, so we can go on....9 of the 16 teams that are going onto the second round have won all 4 of the rounds....only 7, including us, have won 3 lost 1....I think wer got just a bit too cocky for our own good and for the past 2 weeks we have been messing around a bit too much....let us just hope that our defense team goes up for the next 2 trials....since once you get past the first round, it doesn't alternate anymore....Our defence team is a hell of a lot more prepared and stronger then our prosecution team....Everyone knows that, unfortunately....Jessy says that she wants to quit, because all the fun is gone in MOck Trial....she says there is way too much pressure, and she will most definately not be doing it next year....Miriam and Smital will also be quitting because it is...."Boring" so they say, i don't think it's boring, they just have boring parts, where they don't interract with anyone....

Understandable, I would be bored too if I had the parts they did....hmmm....more later, have some stuff to do....

(~*~Love Me~*~)

Monday, November 26th, 2001
5:39 am
Mock Trial Tally To Date
3 Wins-13 ((us being one))
2 Wins, 1 Loss-7
1 Win, 2 Losses-13
0 Wins, 3 Losses-11

So tomorrow is really important for us to pull into the lead....*nervous*

(~*~Love Me~*~)

Friday, November 23rd, 2001
6:08 pm
I AM 61% GOTH.



Image and attitude are my paths to Goth-dom.
Graceful and scary. I am the Master, with
many slaves.


Take the GOTH Test at Fuali.com!

(~*~Love Me~*~)

6:07 pm
I AM 61% GOTH.



Image and attitude are my paths to Goth-dom.
Graceful and scary. I am the Master, with
many slaves.


Take the GOTH Test at Fuali.com!

(~*~Love Me~*~)

Thursday, November 22nd, 2001
9:33 pm
whatever the hell you wanna type

(~*~Love Me~*~)

Thursday, November 15th, 2001
3:29 pm
Cast A finally got all the way through Act 3....Well, there are about 14 lines left to say, but other then that, they're done and cast B will be going up onto the stage tomorrow....I'm going to see if I can convince one of the construction men to let me in to have a gander, even though it's supposed to be open next week, I still want to see inside before anyone else can....I'm really excited about it opening next week, or so sautner said, and this time I actually believe him because they took all of the barriers and the trailer is now gone....This is a very good sign, so maybe I can convince Daniel to go ask one of the workers again tonight....I was the highest scoring witness on our team....and Lolli, of course got straight 5's again for her closing....sheesh....

I have so much homework tonight, because I need to put together a portfolio for world history,a nd I need to do all of the things I neglected to do earlier, stupid me....hehehe....

my nailpolish is chipping....BS....all day it was all fine and dandy, and now that I'm going to mock trial, my fricken pinky nail on my left hand decides to chip at the end....grrr....stupid nailpolish, I'm going to go buy more expensive kind immediately....in fact, I think that I will go right now to do that....

Or maybe not, I still have half of an hour before I will be kicked out of the Library....

I'm supposed to have all of my lines memorized for Drama tomorrow, and I don't think I can do that....it's way to difficulkt to learn line when there are 9 people onstage, all talking in the same scene....It's so hard, so much more hard, then I ever thought it would be, especially without a theatre....ugh....

Well, actually I should probably go and start memorizing, and start putting together my portfolio.....

bye bye for now....

write more when I get back from mock trial...

(~*~Love Me~*~)

Wednesday, November 14th, 2001
8:00 pm
A certain person asked me today this very question: If you could have one of your idealistic wishes come true, what would it be, and why?

My response was this:
My one, and only, true wish that I would give anything to come true is to find my soul mate. That one person who I can look to in any time, and just know that he will be there for me forever. I want to be able to be one of those 'lucky people' who find the right person and stay with them forever. And why? Because I don't believe I can be truly happy without finding my soul mate. Of course, I can be happy with myself, but I want to be able to share in my happiness with someone who I love, and have known for a very long time. I think it would be the most wonderful thing to marry somebody I've known since elementary school or junior high. Doesn't that make it more of a storybook ending?

I know exactly what I was thinking about when I said that too.. Will I ever completely get over him?.. Should I have to?.. Will I spend the rest of my life wondering if I made a mistake and should have just fought a little harder to keep him by me?.. He'll always have this huge piece of my heart occupied, because I never really got closure.. *sigh*

I wonder if he still thinks about me.. *cries* How depressing is that a thing to wonder.. I haven't even spoken to him in so long.. And now I think of this..

On a.. different note.. Kevin and my relationship is strained at best, so I don't exactly think that's going to work.. seriously, I don't let it show, but I hurt so much over that boy.. And I promised myself that I would never give my heart to a boy after Matt, but I didn't really give it to him, I sort of dropped it on the ground, he came over, wiped the dirt off, teased me a little with it and then ran off with it under his arm like a football.. though, he doesn't know that.. and he never will..

44 Mock Trial Teams
# w/ 2 Losses-16
# w/ 1 Loss/1 Win-12
# w/ 2 wins-16

We are of the 16 with 2 wins :-D woohoo


His eyes gently caress my skin,
his gaze penetrating all dreams.
His touch making me lose all sense,
but she tells me what he really means.

His words say trust me,
yet his actions are much different.
I was simply blinded by
someone I thought was heaven sent.

I see now what he wanted,
was to play games and have fun.
But I'm not that sort of girl, you see.
So I must live with what has been done.

I was naive, and ignorant.
I read into the smallest of things.
When will I learn to disregard,
all the 'love' boys bring.

Die, you arrogant bastard,
you know you'll be back for more.
You always come back for seconds,
but this is the last time I shut my door.

I'll tempt you, and treat you right.
I'll give you everything you dream.
Then I'll murder your self-confidence,
or to everyone you'll seem
a little more unfocused,
a little more with your head in the sky.
A little more cocky,
a little more 'fly'.

But soon you'll come to realize,
you've met your final fate.
See I was simply the worm on this hook,
acting as your helpless bait.

See, you're wrong my friend.
To trust anyone, indeed.
Because the truth is sweetheart,
you're the last thing I need.

(~*~Love Me~*~)

3:48 pm
2001 Mock Trial
Team Win/Loss Results

HIGH SCHOOL ROUND 1 ROUND2
Trabuco Hills W W

W = Win; L = Loss. Last updated 11/14/01

Selected copy/paste from the website....woooohoooo :)

I got 4-5-4 in scoring :-D It's out of 5-5-5....yippee....

Only 16 teams out of 45 have won both so far, Trabuco Being one, Laguna Hills another, Mission Viejo....So thats good so far....whew....2 more weeks until I get up there again....but keeping good hopes that we will win once again :)

(~*~Love Me~*~)

5:41 am
I have a really good feeling about last night, in fact, I don't want to sound cocky or anything, but I think we won....

There team was a bit too arrogant for their own goods....First off their E.J. Arnold didn't know anything....Lolli asked her "You don't have any real world experience, isn't that correct?" and the girl said "I don't recollect" and Lolli says "You don't know if you've had any real world experience or not?" and she said "I do not recollect" So Lolli says, "Well, it does not say that you have any real world experience in your statement, does that help you recollect?" and she nodded....They Syd was strange, she kept on giving us dirty looks, and she was a freak when she was on the stage....then Dana, was this cocky little blonde boy who desperately needed a hair cut....he kept on looking at me, and waving....gross....then....after cross-examination finished, he said into the mic "I would also like to add...." where the judge cut him off....and then he got off the stand, and took a bow....grosssss....stupid Laguna Private School Beach....OHHH and their Sandy didn't even know what Bias meant....uck....they were all surfers, funny enough....

I think we won :)

(~*~Love Me~*~)

Sunday, November 11th, 2001
8:17 am
This was the best morning in the history of the universe....I woke up at 6:10....and I layed in bed for 2 hours, literally....with my eyes open listening to the pitter patter of rain hitting asphault....The smell is intoxicating, my entire room smell of rain-soaked asphault right now....The sound is so soothing....All I thought about was that, my entire head cleared and all that was left was the rain....the clouds....the most amazing feeling....As soon as the rain stopped I jumped up and out of bed....*sigh* Why must everything good come to an end far too soon?....I felt as though, for once in my life, I could be happy forever....the rain was consistent....then all of a sudden, it's gone....

I had strange dreams last night....

Someone was having a party, and all of my drama class and mock trial, and a whole bunch of people I didn't know were there....Then it flashed to a park, with a big hill....it was soaking wet and it was still raining....Ryan and David and Krissie were there....for whatever reason....and they were being complete ass-holes as always, with the exception of Ryan....which gets more detailed later....I was in my underwear and a shirt, and I was rubbing chocolate sauce all over me and people were licking it off....

Then it flashed to my bedroom....and I'm sleeping in my bed when all of a sudden....I hear someone knocking on my window....I open the shutters and Ryan in squatting on the little ledge thingie....but he had orangie red hair....funny....and he's pleading with me to forgive him and be friends with him and stuff....I invite him in....give him a towel to dry off and some pajamas....and tell him he can sleep here for tonight and we will talk in the morning....so we fall asleep in each others arms....Thats where I woke up....beautiful really....sort of outlandish but who knows....

(~*~Love Me~*~)

Friday, November 9th, 2001
4:16 pm

(~*~Love Me~*~)

Thursday, November 8th, 2001
8:13 pm
I hate myself more and more everyday for the way I feel....I mean....I love myself, yes....But I hate the fact that everytime I look at him my heart skips a beat and my mind goes completely blank, and my head spins....I feel a pinching in my stomach and I want to say something to him, but I feel like I couldn't without him making some sort of false judgement of me....I don't know....I just want to much I think....or that is what everybody acts like....like I'm selfish or something to want this near-perfect guy....It's alright though....I'll get over him in due time, and if I keep telling myself that then maybe it'll really happen....*sigh* I don't like this situation....I need to sleep now....goodnight

(~*~Love Me~*~)

5:46 am




(~*~Love Me~*~)

5:46 am

(~*~Love Me~*~)

Wednesday, November 7th, 2001
8:48 pm
I miss him.. More then anything I miss him.. God.. I just want.. for him to understand me.. I can't be the kind of person who enters a relationship knowing that it won't last.. I at least want to hold on to my shred of dignity thinking that I have something that everyone else will be jealous off.. because isn't that what everyone is looking for?.. someone to make them completely happy.. and I know for the short amount of time him and I spent together I was happy.. I was more then happy.. I was.. insanely overwhelmed with this sense of joy that made my stomach want to jump out through my throat.. it made my heart leap and skip and sing.. and now everytime I see him in class.. I just want to.. cry basically.. I was talking to laura about it on Tuesday.. she was sitting by me and we were talking about what had happened between him and I.. and she was just like.. Kim.. are you going to cry? and I almost did.. Honestly I dont know what I did wrong or what I can do to fix whatever it is that I did do wrong.. I just feel so utterly confused right now.. I mean.. I cried today in French.. and I used it as my excuse to get our of a referral.. but the real reason I was crying was because I can't stand the person I've become.. I honestly want to be with him, and now look at me.. I've made a complete ass out of myself because he knows how I feel and he doesn't feel the same way which just makes me feel stupid.. that was a huge run-on sentence but it doesn't matter enough to go back and fix it.. But please.. God.. please.. I realized something this morning when I was talking to Nicole.. she asked me if I liked anybody else and I told her that I didn't even find anyone but him even mildly attractive.. I mean sure.. cute, yea.. but I mean.. personality-wise.. no way.. there aren't any guys I find interesting anymore.. but I suppose that will change as I go through high school.. but if I think about it.. I'm probably not going to meet anyone new this year.. and no one I know now is even close to what I want.. It wont be until next year that anything happens.. We'll see though.. it'll be just my luck that some freak-ass will ask me out and I will be desperate enough to say yes.. but I do want him.. 2 months now.. *sigh*.. I dont feel so well.. prolly wont be at school tomorrow.. but I have to be onstage so I might force myself.. ugggghhh.. tummy.. be back lata

(~*~Love Me~*~)

Tuesday, November 6th, 2001
6:05 am
I'm tired of my pen
being fueled by the loss.
He comes, he goes.
The block magically stops.
I can write again,
not happy,
but sad.
How my tears fall,
how I was to die.
How much I've been hurt,
seems to be the only reason
to pick up my pen
and write.
About death traps,
and suicide wraps.
About how a little girl,
too much for even herself to understand,
can be brutally murdered in a few words.
I'm pathetic,
I know.
The only thing that inspires me is hurt.
I never wrote about smiles,
or being in love,
or the laughter we shared.
Or the warm glances from across the room.
All unimportant compared to the
hurt, and hatred in my veins.
How the needle feels,
roaming through my blood.
Happiness is deceiving,
I tell myself over and over.
I think I'm trying to convince
myself more then anything.
But I keep standing up,
dusting myself off,
and trying it again with a new sort.
Always hurt,
always left bleeding,
while he runs off with someone else.
So why write about sunshines,
and smiles,
and joy.
When I can express so much hatred
through my words?
The love is expressed,
but the hatred and the hopelessness
is left festering in the pit of my soul.
Where the Angel in me has died.
Where the hope and truth has disintegrated.
Help me! I scream,
but no one seems to hear.
Or they don't want to bother,
with such a helpless wreck.
Please save me from myself! I plead,
but they all just turn their back
and walk away.
Am I so high-maintenance
that I can't even stand myself?
I've grown to hate my neediness,
as much as I love myself,
I'm not happy being me.
All day, every day.
I sit and stare at blank walls,
forming pictures in the stuco.
Imagining happier things.
Imagining life if he had just understood.
But he didnt, he doesn't.
He doesn't know how it feels,
to see him everyday.
To see his eyes, to hear his voice.
To have my heart break everytime I look up.
He doesn't understand
because he doesn't want to.
I know I've hurt him in the past,
but God,
If I only ask for one thing in my entire life
let it be this:
Let him give me just one more chance.
Let him understand that I know
that I hurt him really badly.
And that I regret all that I've done.
Let him see my pain,
and my remorse, and hatred for myself.
Maybe then he will understand.
But until he does,
my words will be fueled by the pain.

(~*~Love Me~*~)

Saturday, November 3rd, 2001
7:01 pm
Get to know me.....in 222 questions
1. One Kleenex or two when you blow your nose?: One, I dont make big messes :)
2. Have you ever drank Slimfast?: Yes, it was gross
3. If so, whats your favorite kind?: See above
4. Did you really need to drink it?: No... I was just so worried then
5. Do you listen to music off your computer?: All the time, am now....
6. Do you where headphones so you don't distract other people?: No.. I like distracting others..
7. Have you ever blown a speaker out in a car from having too much base?: Nope.. I like it loud, but not that loud.. Plus I always make fun of those people
8. Do you use highlighters frequently?: Yes I do..
9. Do you carry scissors?: Not usually..
10. Do you wish you did?: If one day I got stuck in a huge sticky spiderweb, I would probably regret not picking them up as I walked out of the house....
11. How about fingernail clippers?: Neva, scary
12. Blue or black ink?: Black.. Black.. Always..
13. Do you own a pair of flannel pants?: Flannel? Pants? I've heard of flannel shirts, but pants.. No..
14. Do you wear slippers around the house?: Not generally
15. Do you untie your shoes before you take them off?: I do with my creepers, not tennis shoes though
16. Can you keep a pair of white shoes clean for very long?: Yea.. as long as I dont go on any safari's
17. Do you wash your car a lot?: If I had a car, I think I would.. I like looking nice..
18. How much does it cost to fill your vehicle up?: Beep
19. Is your buddy list mainly people you don't talk to?: Only important people are on there..
20. Do you put your dirty clothes in a basket or just let they lay on your floor?: Why limit me to the floor? They're on the computer, hanging out of open drawers.. pretty much everywhere
21. Are your dresser drawers organized?: I tried.. but now.. no
22. Will your parents kill you if you bring home a D?: They haven't yet.. so no
23. Do you belong to Sams club?: What is this? A club I was not invited to join? Facist bastards..
24. Do you like Super Target?: what the h?
25. Whats your view on the Bakers Value Card?: what?
26. Has someone accidentally given you back the wrong change and you just kept it?: yes.. often
27. Ever been to a hockey game?: once.. I slept..
28. Ever laughed at a retard?: No..
29. Ever faked a call on your cell phone?: On my moms I have..
30. Ever swung your left arm back and forth so much when you walked that anyone within 20 feet would get hit?: why left? no..
31. Ever spit on anyone?: Not on purpose..
32. Ever been spit on?: By myself.. and on accident..
33. Ever watched someone be spit on?: no..
34. Ever growled at someone?: Daily..
35. Ever been meowed at?: Frequently..
36. Do you grab for your cell phone whenever you hear a ring?: If I had one.. I dont think so..
37. Does your mom still do your laundry?: on occasion..
38. Do you have a camera of your own?: I asked for one for my birthday, but did I get it? No.. Of course not..
39. Do you spend extremely too much time on your computer?: *laughs* how'd'ya know?
40. Do you pick your nose when you drive because you think just because you have tinted windows they can't see you?: I don't drive.. and grosss..
41. Do you think your moms hot?: Thats gross..
42. Do you honestly sing in the shower?: I hum..
43. Do you ever wave at complete strangers?: always..
44. Have you ever farted in a room and walked out?: probably when i was a baby or something..
45. Have you ever eaten at a Truck Stop?: What exactly is a truck stop anyways? I've never seen one..
46. Have you ever found out that there was no toilet paper in the stall after you sat down?: No, I check before I sit down..
47. Are you the moron that writes on the bathroom walls?: I wrote.. Nine Inch Nails Kicks Ass.. On the stall once.. I was bored.. didn't wanna go to class..
48. Why are there visible bacteria in the sinks at school?: Because we kids are cooty-filled..
49. Do you park in the same place everyday at school or close to the same place?: dont have a car..
50. Do you love your car as much as I love mine?: Shut up
51. Do pimples piss you off?: I don't pay attention, got over the whole image thing long ago..
52. Do they hurt?: sometimes..
53. Have you ever had a wart (anywhere)?: Grotesque.. No
54. Do your parents ask you gay questions?: Gay? As is what?
55. How much does your dog weigh?: like 130
56. Do you treat your parents like shit?: Depends.. Am I tired?
57. Are you disrespectful according to them?: Aren't all kids disrespectful, in parents eyes?
58. Do you know that its actually a privilege to live under their roof?: sometimes
59. Do you get a lot of junk email?: All the time..
60. Do you get a lot of junk regular mail?: No..
61. Do you have a blank paper near by?: Probably
62. How long are your showers?: umm.. minutes..
63. Do you shower (cuz some people don't, I swear!)?: 1-2 times a day
64. Do you chemically alter your hair (by yourself)?: chemically alter.. I dye it.. Sometimes..
65. Does your mom try to help you although you know you're beyond help?: Umm.. I'm not beyond help..
66. Do you like your job?: I have no time to work..
67. Do you even work?: Nope..
68. Do your parents complain about how much of their money you spend?: Not really.. I don't cost a lot.. Low-maintenance really..
69. Do they threaten you if you don't make the honor roll?: Umm.. No..
70. Do you make it to school on time?: Early, in fact
71. Do you ever stop for breakfast?: Breakfast=bad day
72. Have you ever been late because you had to wash your car first?: NOOOO CAR
73. Have you ever flashed anyone the peace sign while driving down the road?: HAHAHA.. Once..
74. Does your dog jump on the door and then get yelled at?: Nope..
75. Do people call you and piss you off?: Umm.. Sometimes if they call for no reason.. That makes me mad..
76. Do you click over when someone beeps in and you're on the phone?: If someone, by chance, beeps in, I answer it.. Usually..
77. Do you take good messages for people or do you blow it off?: Blow it off.. usually..
78. Have you ever broken a kitchen utensil and thought your mom was going to be angry with you?: Oh.. mommy.. I broke a fork..
79. Is the word "dude" part of your everyday vocabulary?: No..
80. Do other peoples parents scare you?: They always love me.. so yes.. that sort of frightens me..
81. Do you have a cell phone?: No..
82. Does it have detachable faces?: If you mean.. facades.. sure..
83. Do you like leather couches? No, they make that weird.. squeaky, yet not squeaky really, noise.. hate it.. ugh
84. Do you cross your legs when you sit down?: Usually.. sometimes no though..
85. Do you wear one pair of shoes more then another?: Of course.. My creepers..
86. How many pairs of shoes do you have?: That I wear, 3.. that I own.. like 400
87. Do you love shoes?: I hate feet.. so anything to cover them.. yes
88. Do your quads hurt from running?: I HATE RUNNING, I do all that I can to not..
89. Do you wish a certain someone could rub them to make them feel better?: My quads? No.. but yes too..
90. What kind of music do your parents listen to?: Mom listens to *N SYNC.. Dad.. Yanni..
91. When you drive with your parents in the car, is it a battle over what radio station?: YES!!
92. Do they think your choice of music is just absolutely terrible!?: Some of it..
93. Are you good at being a bitch?: Oh yes.. Ask anyone
94. Have you ever cried because of physical pain?: Once.. in 7th grade..
95. Do you eat and drink in your room?: Yea..
96. Do you wish you had a computer in your room?: This computer is.. in my room..
97. Do you bite your nails without even thinking about it?: Yes.. HATE IT.. AHHHH
98. Does thunder only happen when its raining?: Umm.. not necessarily
99. Do players only love you when theyre playing?: 'players' hahaha.. shutup
100. Do you have candles in your room?: Only 22.. I've cut back..
101. Do you have any beanie babies?: Oh.. that cute dog..
102. Do you keep old shit that you made when you were little, like art projects and stuff?: Umm.. No
103. Do you still have the original Nintendo?: No..
104. Remember the duck hunting game?: YES!!
105. Do you like trampolines?: Generally.. As long as they aren't broken..
106. Have you ever jumped off a cliff?: Umm.. Scary..
107. Like Americas Most Wanted?: My dad hosts it
108. How about the show COPS?: umm.. Above
109. Have you ever lit your hair on fire?: No.. but my best friend did.. while lighting a cigarette on the stove.. hahaha
110. Do you write on the desks at school?: No.. I have paper for that..
111. Do you cover your textbooks?: They fall off in 2 weeks.. no point..
112. Do you doodle on your textbooks?: Geometry only..
113. Have you ever damaged another persons property?: yes?
114. Been to the beach?: I live in CA
115. Do you like the schools convenient store?: Umm.. I've been in there once.. To get a book..
116. Does your dog hump anything in site?: Umm.. female
117. Do you have a duck or two or three that quack?: Umm.. No?
118. Do you like track?: Running is satan reincarnate
119. Dont you think the track uniforms are ucky?: I never seen them...
120. Is your modem louder then hell?: nopers..
121. Do you have a shitty ass connection?: cable
122. Do you have an email account thru Yahoo!?: Dont use it for anything, but yes..
123. Do you like the Tru Crew; do you even know who the Tru Crew is?: Umm.. No.. No..
124. Whats one of the cutest screen names you've ever seen?: Umm.. Since when are screenames cute? AHHHH Mine then.. K177YKYMM33
125. Have you thought about getting personalized plates for your car?: When I get a car, sure..
126. What would you put on them?: 4NINEVR
127. What COUNTY are you from?: Orange
128. Do you know anyone that wears stretch pants that shouldn't?: OMIGOSH.. YES
129. Do you know anyone with the nickname Lunchbox?: umm.. No.. yes.. no
130. How about Woody?: grotesque..
131. Or Bulldog?: A football player, guarenteed..
132. Or T-Dawg?: Oh man.. Get outta here..
133. Have you ever been skiing?: Once, and I died..
134. Did you fall on your ass?: A million times..
135. Are some people so full of themselves it makes you sick?: Ummmmm... sure
136. Do you know any male sluts?: grrr.. yes
137. Do you keep notes that people write you?: Yes, even if they just say "Hi"
138. Who do you get the most notes from?: Used to be Matt, now I dont get notes..
139. Do you yell across the bowling alley at people you know?: Bowling? um.. No..
140. Do you yell across the school if you see a friend?: On occasion.. depends who..
141. What does the number 7 mean to you?: OHHH....THERE ARE 7 ELEMENTS.. *cough* Inside joke..
142. Have you ever made a shout-out to your parents?: shout-out? umm.. no?
143. Have you ever thought about putting something on Ebay?: I have..
144. How often do you change your bed sheets?: Dont ask..
145. Have you ever taken a shower and then put on the dirty underwear you had just taken off?: Thats gross.. no.. new panties for me..
146. Are you good at scheduling activities?: No way..
147. Do you ever talk on the phone and type at the same time?: Yessss
148. Does it hurt your ear or your neck?: No..
149. Do you have arthritis in your hands or fingers?: Probably..
150. Do you like Scooby Doo?: Relevance.. I used to have Scooby Doo panties..
151. Would you ever buy seat covers for your car?: *gets red faced* I'm too young to care..
152. Do you look at a picture of your baby a lot and wish you were with them?: what the hell ever?
153. Do you think there are too many people named Ashley and Jenny in this world?: No.. Too many Britneys.. and Jennys.. UGHHH
154. Would you ever name your child Bob?: Never ever
155. Whats your highest bowling score?: I never have been bowling
156. Have you ever played tennis?: In PE
157. Have you ever jumped off a trampoline into a pool?: Once..
158. Have you ever played shuffleboard?: No..
159. Whens the last time you called someone a douche bag?: .......What?......no
160. Do you wear your coat even when you're in your house?: Yes.. it gets quite cold in this castle..
161. Have you ever been tanning?: I dont tan..
162. Did you fry your ass?: get out..
163. Do you have freckles?: cutesie ones..
164. Do you think they're hot?: Cutesie..
165. Do you own any heavy machinery?: Umm....no?
166. Have you ever operated heavy machinery under the influence of drugs or alcohol?: what the...no
167. Have you ever dropped a bowling ball?: die..
168. Have you ever wanted to die in someones arms?: umm.. I'm not morbidly depressed or anything..
169. Do you like people with red hair?: I have it..
170. Did you like the Chuckie movies?: Dumb..
171. Do you go to see Hannibal?: Yes..
172. Am I way past done?: There are 50 more.. so apparently not..
173. Do you have a cute tummy?: sometimes..
174. Has someone told you have a nice ass?: Weird..
175. You're pad or mine?: Umm.. Yours.. Mine need not to be trashed..
176. Do you own toe socks?: Yes.. grotesque, huh?
177. Do you have anything Hawaiian?: umm...no?
178. Would I look hot in a skirt?: Who the hell? no
179. Do you smile a lot?: Some say too much.. :D
180. Have you ever actually looked at me?: No..
181. Do you act your age?: Not usually..
182. Do you like freshman?: I'm a sophomore.. some are alright.. I suppose
183. Do racist people piss you off?: All too much..
184. Are you a racist person?: no way..
185. Has anyone ever told you that you speak with a southern accent?: YES!
186. Were you a bratty little son of a bitch when you were little?: Umm.. maybe? i dont remember
187. Are you still?: I am now.. more so then then..
188. Name one person thats a jerk: Melissa..
189. Are your parents always at work?: yes.. good
190. Have you ever hit a deer?: With a penny..
191. Have you ever come close to hitting a deer?: I guess no
192. Have you ever gone to a restaurant and just had a glass of water?: Umm no
193. Do you have school spirit?: No..
194. Do you enjoy pep rallies?: I love watching bulimics flip each other and fear the toothpick at the bottom will snap.. and all of them will die.. sadly enough :/
195. Does anything motivate you, if so what?: Drama..
196. Do you get a lot of days off of school?: Umm.. no
197. Can you surf?: Umm.. Body surf.. Not surf..
198. Don't you wish Nebraska had a beach?: Sure.. why not?
199. Whats your swimsuit look like?: a purple sparkly thing :)
200. Have you ever shot a bee bee gun at the neighbor's kid?: ummm never owned one of those..
201. Ford or Chevy?: Ford
202. Jeep Wrangler or Cherokee?: eeeeek
203. Do you donate to the Goodwill?: i dunno.. maybe?
204. Have you ever just walked around for the hell of it?: Umm... yes..
205. When you talk on the phone, do you have to be doing something else too?: i hate phones.. ugh
206. Have you ever considered being a cop?: no way jose
207. Do you have your own language with your friends?: No.. I had a written one with my ex.. but he's my ex.. so no more..
208. Do you have so many inside jokes that its annoying for other people to be around you?: no.. just one.. 7 ELEMENTS.. Becca.. SEVEN!!!!
209. Do you and your friends diss each other on a daily basis?: funny.. haha.. disses..
210. Do you have a tack board in your room?: Yes..
211. Whats on it?: Pictures.. special things
212. Do you make your bed?: once in a blue moon.. Ie Halloween..
213. Is your alarm clock right by your bed?: No alarm clock
214. What time do you usually leave your house for school?: 6:20
215. Are you in a world of shit for your grades?: not at all..
216.would it lessen the pain when they get your report card and you turn into dog shit?: umm.. that woulnd't happen.. but lets say theoretically it did.. sure..
217. Whens your last day of school?: Umm.. June something..
218. Are you going to have a wild party?: No.. Do I ever?
219. Are you a constant failure?: Never..
220. Do you own a pair of sandals?: No.. i hate feet
221. Do you wear pretty socks?: Sometimes
222. Am I done?: Apparently..

(~*~Love Me~*~)

6:50 pm
NAME: Kim Coston
SEX: Female
H EIGHT: 5'7
EYES: Green
HAIR COLOR: strawberry blonde
YOUR FAVORITE T.V SHOW: Mystery in Small Town X
WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD: Picture of me
FAVORITE BOARD GAME: Always thought those things were stupid
WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Messing up your dreams with one silly goof up
BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Loving and Trusting someone, they go hand-in-hand
FAVORITE THING TO DO ON WEEKENDS: Sleep, and go to Mock Trial
FAVORITE SONG: Marilyn Manson-Speed Of Pain
WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? Turn off the fucking Britney Spears
ROLLER COASTERS-DEADLY OR EXCITING: The deadlier, the more exciting
HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE: I hate phones
FUTURE SONS NAME: Trent Michael, Jeremy Joseph
FUTURE DAUGHTERS NAME: Destiny Faith, Heaven Innocence, Unique CLoud
DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS: most of the time
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A CRIME: no
CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA: vanilla
FAVORITE ICE CREAM: Strawberry Shortcake
THUNDERSTORMS-COOL 0R SCARY: Cool..
IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON, DEAD OR ALIVE: Gwen Stefani, gosh I am so jealous of her....grrr
DRINK-ALCOHOLIC: Bacardi 151
NON ALCOHOLIC: Diet Pepsi
WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN: Libra
WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE POET: Robert Frost
DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI: That is the only part I eat, the leafy part is too strange of a texture for me....
IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED: actress/lawyer/writer
IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOUR WHAT WOULD IT BE: Goddamn burgundy, can't because of performance
HAVE U EVER BEEN IN LOVE: Nope, and I really am not looking for it at all right now
WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM: grey
IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL: The optimist would say half full.. and that is what I am.. So half full..
FAVORITE MOVIE(S): Labrynth..
ARE YOU A RIGHTY,LEFTY OR AMBIDEXTROUS: I write with my left, and do most other things better with my right.. so does that mean I am ambidextrous? Okay then.. that is what I am..
DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS: asdf jkl; Nope.. I don't care..
WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED: a book of poetry, my journal, my kitty, shoes
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER:13
FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH: Gymnastics
YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOURSELF WHAT WOULD IT BE: If you change any one thing, it would lead a chain of reactions eventually changing everything, so.. nothing..
Was this A WASTE OF TIME on THIS QUESTIONNAIRE: Nope.. I'm bored and it was actually sort of fun :)

(~*~Love Me~*~)

Friday, November 2nd, 2001
8:11 pm

(~*~Love Me~*~)

Thursday, November 1st, 2001
3:17 pm
Today was rather unproductive....We sat and I got to read my part in Drama today....It was fun, but nothing to talk about....I don't think anything of interest happened except for the fact that stupid Biology teacher moves our seats today....

I need to do a character study for Drama....so here I go to run off and so that....will write it here because library is closely very early today....


This is for later use:

My name is Mary Warren and I am seventeen years old. I live in Salem Massachusetts. I have lived here my entire life. Some people in my society would like to say that I am naive, but I do not believe that I am. I am single, but I still think that I should be able to speak my peace about certain subjects that concern me. John Procter scares me, I'm nothing but his servant, and he thinks he can whip me. I will take a stand someday, even though today is not that day. I don't like to argue with people, so I mainly agree with what they say to avoid conflict.

(~*~Love Me~*~)

Wednesday, October 31st, 2001
6:14 pm
Ilook so cute right now....I just got ready for Halloween, and I look so inhumanly adorable....wish I had a camera....awwww.....will put pictures up here if I decide to get a camera somehow....heheh....bye bye....I'm in lovewith myself....

(~*~Love Me~*~)

Sunday, October 28th, 2001
10:02 pm
I don't want forever,
I just want today.
I don't want a lifelong promise,
I just want it my way.

I want you now,
and maybe I won't tomorrow.
But we can wash away it's happiness,
with our tears of sorrow.

I worry not for the future,
I care about now and here.
I can't worry about tomorrow,
for that is my only true fear.

Just love me now,
don't worry about forever.
That word limits us,
and then it turns to never.

So be with me,
even just for a day or two.
And just this once I'll let down my guard,
and show that I love you.


Je ne veux pas pour toujours,
je veux juste aujourd'hui.
Je ne veux pas une promesse perptuelle,
je la veux juste ma voie.
Je vous veux maintenant,
et peut-tre je pas demain.
Mais nous pouvons l'enlever est bonheur,
avec nos larmes de la douleur.
Je m'inquite pas l'avenir,
je m'inquite environ maintenant et ici.
Je ne puis pas m'inquiter du demain,
parce que c'est ma seulement crainte vraie.
Juste aimez-moi maintenant,
ne s'inquitent pas environ pour toujours.
Que le mot limite nous,
et puis elle se tourne vers jamais.
Soyez ainsi avec moi,
mme juste pour un jour ou deux.
Et juste ceci une fois que je laisserai en bas de ma garde,
et prouvent que je t'aime.

(~*~Love Me~*~)

10:27 am
Hate pours through my veins,
everytime my heart beats gallons of hate
are pumped through my blood.
The hate for life, the hate for death,
the hate for all the pain you have ever caused me.
Your cold glares and smirking lips
burn lifelong pictures into my brain.
You hurt me so bad, with just one word.
You told me you hated me,
you told me you didnt care anymore.
You told me that you wouldnt touch me
if I were the last human on earth.
I know the truth behind your pathetic image,
I know the boy hidden behind that sad, sad mask.
I know you better then you know yourself.
I know the kind of guy you are,
the kind who feeds off of girls insecurities.
The kind who longs for another girl to take advantage of.
The kind of guy who every girl longs for,
and when she finally gets it,
Wishes she could get rid of it at that moment.
With just one glance you killed me inside,
and with just one smile, you made my life
perfect, full, and whole again.....

(~*~Love Me~*~)

8:08 am
So now....

Last night was really fun....

I got there, and I looked all pretty and stuff, but soon after I arrived the wings were removed....

I talked to some girls I didn't know, and Gemma....Gemma is such a sweetheart, I'm so glad I'm friends with her....We cracked jokes about a certain someone....It was great....

When Dan got there I was happy, and I talked to him most of the night....

When we were waiting for the Psychic, we were standing in the line and I could hear the music, so I was dancing around and accidentally touched him in a not so fabulous place....

After I got out of the room, I went into the garage, and he said "Let's go outside, by the fire.." So we walked out there and were pretty much undisturbed for about a half an hour....we were talking about what she said to us, and if we believed what she said is true....and both of us did....

And then we started talking about our beliefs in Heaven and Hell....and I've concluded that at this moment, I don't believe in either....Basically, I believe that for the rest of eternity we are reincarnated....

Then Jessica came out and joined us....and I leaned up against the wall around the fire, next to Dan....and we just talked for a long time....Then he looked over at the park and announced that he wanted to go to the park and 'run a muck'....

So Gemma, Dan, and I ran to the park and played on the swings....and on the jungle gym....it was fun....

Then we went back to Jessy's and basically just sat and talked some more until she was opening her gifts....she got a car, and other things....But the car is the best, so I wont even name off the others....

Overall a good night....I still hope that what the psychic says comes true....I would really like to have a guy who likes me come out....and I want to meet someone over the holidays, and be faced with a difficult decision....and most of all....I want to go out of state to help further my career....well, I should be off....I feel so grungy, I need a shower....:)

(~*~Love Me~*~)

Saturday, October 27th, 2001
10:58 pm
Psychic
This is what Brenda Matarazzo said :

I would be traveling somewhere, possibly out of state, to help further my career....

I am very artistic, and a great writer....

She saw that soon, I would be getting a break, by the end of high school I would be well known....

She said someone with the name starting with a K, just exited my life....due to many of his conflicting thoughts towards someone else....

That there was someone, with a birthday in March who liked me, and would soon tell me....

Over the holidays I'm going to meet someone, with a name with a J, possible Jason....Through a friend, and I'm going to have to make a decision....

There is tension, indirectly effecting me, inside my house....and soon money will be spent on these tensions....

She saw prosperity, and creativity, and a lot of stress....


She said more, and I wish I could remember....I just wish....she could have given me more specific details, but I didn't want to push it....

(~*~Love Me~*~)

Thursday, October 25th, 2001
6:12 am
I overslept today, but I still got ready in time to have some time to write in my journal....

No matter what things will be awkward today, it's just the way things go sometimes....

I don't want it to be, and it would be much easier if he just said this all from the beginning....Makes it all the more hard to see myself with a boy again....Like I said to him The first step ((kissing)) has always been the hardest for me....all the boys I've kissed have turned out to be complete ass-holes....

Not saying that he is a complete ass-hole, but it just would have been better if I never touched him....


Seeing the beauty in the simplest things is how I've always lived my life....I don't believe that people are beautiful, physically....a flock of birds is beautiful, the sunset is beautiful....the way the mountains look right before sunset....a flower, a tree, bee's....Those things are truly beautiful....

People are people....

*shrugs* I need to get my shoes on and leave now....

(~*~Love Me~*~)

Wednesday, October 24th, 2001
4:40 pm
The one word question that is most often used is why....why does this happen to me? Why does this particular thing do this particular task? Why is the sky blue? Why is she wearing that?

I have found that the word why is used too much....I no longer will include that word in my vocabulary, along with love, passion, hate, and stuff....Unless the word is being used in a play, they are temporarily banished from my vocabulary....

The new word I shall be using is what? When someone asks what, they get more of a definite answer, without all the contradictions or dancing around the subject....

What do I mean to this world? What is in store for my life? What can I bring to a specific situation? What am I here for?

I need something else....something new....something beautiful....All of my life I have been blinded by things that are false, or a figment of my imagination....I tend to see things that aren't really there....Not hallucinating or anything, but more along the lines of seeing emotions from people in which I want to see....I see not what is really being expressed by that person....do you understand what I'm saying?

ugh....I have to run the mile tomorrow, I think I'm going to get a note again, like last week so I don't have to run....I'm not exactly feeling up to it....

*sigh* Goodbye again, I think I'm going to go to sleep....

(~*~Love Me~*~)

3:32 pm
Well, that sure lasted long....hmmm....I should have figured it would end out that way, but who am I to try to predict the future....

*shrugs* I tried to give him a note back after school today, but I called to him and I guess he didn't hear me, or he just didn't want to hear me....

Like I said in the note, it's not the end of the world, yea....I'm hurt, but wasn't that inevitable? Yes....

But apparently me wanting a long term, serious relationship is too much to ask....*shrugs again* It's alright, and as I said before, maybe I should just give up....it seems as though nothing good comes from any of the relationships I try to have....

*eyes fill with tears* Trust me not to hurt you....ugh....and I was right to think what I did at that very moment....Perfection is unachievable and I constantly neglect to see that anything that seems too good to be true, generally is....

I know crying is probably not the best thing to do right now, but it's the only thing I can think to do....

I'll be alright.....I think........................

*sigh*

Yeah, *cries* I'll be fine after a while....I'm going to go do something to get my mind off this shit....before I do something stupid....bye

(1 Loves | ~*~Love Me~*~)

5:39 am
Oh gosh, I slept so well last night....But for some reason my alarm didn't go off this morning....It's alright, I still woke up on time....I went to sleep at 10 last night, curled up, and so f*#!&% comfortable....awwww....that was probably the best nights sleep I've gotten in a super long time....

Gooooood :-D

(1 Loves | ~*~Love Me~*~)

Tuesday, October 23rd, 2001
8:47 pm
i am honestly so happy right now....

(1 Loves | ~*~Love Me~*~)

7:47 pm
Today was pretty much close to perfection....

As close to perfection as I could have hoped....He seems so....perfect....Maybe it's just me being 'blinded by love' or maybe it's just the way things work sometimes....

I don't think I've ever felt like this before....I mean, I was just completely comfortable just sitting and not talking....Usually I feel a need to speak speak speak speak speak, but I just wanted to sit....

He has such beautiful eyes....*sigh* I'm not quite sure where this makes us stand....I mean....it's sort of....in the air....I suppose you could say, I guess it's still unofficial, or something....I'm not sure, but that doesn't even matter....

What does matter is that today....I had one of God's most beautiful creatures in my arms today....

I seriously wanted to cry when he had his arms around me while we were sitting on his couch....Not from....sadness, but from pure joy....strange, isn't it? You cry from being sad, and from being happy....sort of backwards....

Anyways, I must be off to gloat and sigh away my night :)

(~*~Love Me~*~)

Monday, October 22nd, 2001
8:34 pm
I've been thinking quite a bit as of late....and I've been wondering why I'm so selfish....I read over all of my journal entries and all they are are wanting unachievable perfection....It's not going to turn out the way I want it to, I have a feeling....I am hopeful that it will....God, do I wish it would....but....Again the pessimism has taken control and I now doubt myself....*sigh*

Boy oh Boy do I want to love him....*sigh* Get ON!!!

(~*~Love Me~*~)

7:43 pm
When you start falling, who's going to catch you?
I'm willing to bet you. It will be me.
Who's going to love you, like there's no other.
Search and discover. It will be me.
When all the others have gone and hurt you,
Who won't desert you? It will be me.
When you've been broken, and dreams don't surprise you.
Who will stand by you? It will be me.
Who'll be your only true romancer,
you know the answer, it will be me.
What will it take to bring you to your senses,
and finally convince you, it will be me.
I love you.

(~*~Love Me~*~)

6:59 pm
"You're everywhere to me, when I close my eyes, it you I see...."

Yup, yup, yup....

I wanna love you forever....And I want it to be true, and honest, and a faithful sort of love....And I want you to love me, for me....And to hold me, and touch me, and need me....I want you to want me....To feel me....I want to know everything about you, and I want you to know my deepest secrets....I want to give it all up for you, and to take you in my arms and hold you, forever....I want to be solely with you, with all your flaws, and all your perfections....

I want to be able to....Just trust you....

Please don't take that away from me....I love you

(~*~Love Me~*~)

3:34 pm
Today was decent....

He asked me to go to lunch with him, and although that didn't work out....We talked after school and apparently we're going to do something after school tomorrow....or something like that....*sigh* I had a note that I wrote in 6th period for him....but after talking to him, I figured it was a bad idea....

Basically what it said was....that there are so many things that have been unspoken because I'm still unsure on how to word them....How I felt that I needed to know how he felt about me, because I need to know if I'm wasting my time....boy, it doesn't seem like it....How I wanted to know if the happiness I can get from his is purely friendly, or could it be more....and whatever....

I am Mary Warren....

Quiet, shy....Not really my sort of part....but I'll portray it well, I think....

overall my day was very good, minus some occurances....hahaha....Alex tripped and fell in English today....it was classic

For the past few days I've had this weird feeling in my right hand....it feels like there is an ant crawling beneath my skin....it's weird....

People tell me how happy I look lately....like what is going on in the life of Too Cool Kim Coston that makes her smile while walking alone in the hallway, as people pass her by and give her strange looks, because it looks as though she has a secret, that she is keeping from everyone, behind her dreamy smile, and glazed over eyes....That was quite a sentence....

But the girl who sits behind me in math was saying "why are you so happy lately? Whats going on? I don't think I've seen anyone so happy, ever!" I just laughed and turned to my paper and wrote a poem....will post later....

I walked by David and Krissie today and I was just smiling away....and right when they passed me David said "What the hell is wrong with her?" Everyone probably thinks I'm on drugs....but nope....I'm just happy with life....

*sigh*

I love you!

(~*~Love Me~*~)

5:35 am
I should have gone this morning....I really should have gone to get coffee with him, it would have been a break from all that is going on in my head right now....

But I didn't....I said I'd better not ditch a class....

Ohhhhh what a pussy I am....Last year I ditched with Matt a lot....Thats because he was grounded and that was the only way the two of you could see each other....

Miss those times....being completely comfortable with someone....just laying together, not needing to say anything....But looking into each others eyes, for hours....Falling asleep in the person you loves arms....Not caring about how you look, because there is no one you need to impress, you already caught your man/woman....

You know? That was the one thing I liked about Matt....He liked to touch....and not just sexually....he liked to put his arms around me, and pull me close to him and just be there....I've never had that before....

Thats all I want....someone who isn't ashamed of me, and someone who willingly just slips his arms around my waist, looks into my eyes, and gives me a kiss on the nose....*crinkles nose*....someone who I could just....take a shower with and not feel obligated or self conscience....someone who I could have fun with and talk to....and be able to tell my friends how happy I am that I finally found someone who isn't a jackass, someone that treats me right....Someone who I love, and someone who loves me....someone who I can just run to and throw my arms around their neck and cry when I have a bad day....someone who isn't needy, or materialistic....someone spontaneous, at times, but knows when to be serious....Someone special, and kind....He has to be funny....

I just want to love you....Kevin....I want to be there for you, no matter what....I want you to be the one I dream of, and cry for....I want you to be the one that makes of my wishes come true, and holds me....Who gives me the strength when I feel like I have nothing left for me in the world....the person who loves me regardless the stupid things I do sometimes....I want you to be the person I look forward to talking to everyday, when I get home....the person who brightens up my days....

and....

After 3 months of dating someone, and then you realize they are using you....it hurts....and I haven't fully trusted anyone since then, because I'm scared of being hurt again....I waisted 1/4 of a year spilling my heart out to some guy, who, in the end confessed that he was using me to try to get over Heather....and it didn't work....so we broke up....grrr....

I promised myself I wouldn't fall in love with a guy, especially now....But there are a lot of things even the hardest of hearts can't help....and it starts from within and makes your entire being....mushy....

Well, I better get ready....bye bye journal

(~*~Love Me~*~)

Sunday, October 21st, 2001
9:13 pm

(~*~Love Me~*~)

8:40 pm
You make me sick
I want you and I'm hatin it
Got me lit like a candlestick
Get too hot when you touch the tip, I'm feelin it, I gotta getta grip
And it's drivin me crazy baby don't you quit
Can't get enough of it
You got me goin again
Baby, you got me goin again
You make me sick


He was doing 8-0 on the freeway
In the 6 double O, bumpin Isley
He was gettin kinda close, kinda touch-ay
Cuz he had a little too much Hennessey
He told me that he wanna go home, with me up on the hill to my condo
Told me he would keep it all on the low-low
But I told him, "boo, I don't really know though"
He got closer to me...it started gettin deep
He had me in a zone when he started to show me things
I never saw before
Baby was smooth but I knew it was game
Hell-of-a cool but you men are the same
The way he licked his lips and touched my hips
I knew that he was slick

You make me sick
I want you and I'm hatin it
Got me lit like a candlestick
Get too hot when you touch the tip, I'm feelin it, I gotta getta grip
And it's drivin me crazy baby don't you quit
Can't get enough of it
You got me goin again
Baby, you got me goin again
You make me sick


In the 6 now, so hot
Gotta pull all the windows down
Eyes lead and I'm thinkin bout the sheets now
Wonderin should I really take it there now
He told me he would make it worth it
Again, how many times have I heard this
Kinda funny, but I wasn't even nervous
Well his slick-ass lines were kinda workin
I felt my knees get weak...his body was callin me
Just couldn't take the heat
Anyway it was 2 or 3, I had to get off the streets
Baby was cool but I knew it was game
Said, he was too schooled to be screamin my name
Even though we made the best of it
I still told him this...

You make me sick
I want you and I'm hatin it
Got me lit like a candlestick
Get too hot when you touch the tip, I'm feelin it, I gotta getta grip
And it's drivin me crazy baby don't you quit
Can't get enough of it
You got me goin again
Baby, you got me goin again
You make me sick
X3

Can't..no no no
Oh, you make me sick
I want you and I'm hatin it...hatin it...hatin it

(~*~Love Me~*~)

7:22 pm
I'm feeling better about writing this now....so i think i will....

What material item can compare to him? None. I've thought and thought and thought and I simply cannot fine anything, or anyone for that matter, that can even compare to his mere beauty. And I say beauty meaning overall being, not just his looks, althought that may be something to brag about. His eyes seem to welcome the world, so friendly, so reassuring. His cute smile and how it can brighten up even the most melancholy of days. The way his cheeks flush and his ears turn red if you embarrass him. Despite unachievable perfection, he comes so close.

(~*~Love Me~*~)

7:22 pm
I'm feeling better about writing this now....so i think i will....

What material item can compare to him? None. I've thought and thought and thought and I simply cannot fine anything, or anyone for that matter, that can even compare to his mere beauty. And I say beauty meaning overall being, not just his looks, althought that may be something to brag about. His eyes seem to welcome the world, so friendly, so reassuring. His cute smile and how it can brighten up even the most melancholy of days. The way his cheeks flush and his ears turn red if you embarrass him. Despite unachievable perfection, he comes so close.

(~*~Love Me~*~)

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